I find myself in a place of loss. I have never experienced loss this deeply in my life. I am wrought with pain and anxiety at times, yet hope and confidence at others. Ride the wave, I've been told. I'm not much of a surfer, but I guess it's about time to start.
In the face of despair the most potent comfort is hope. Hope for the future. Hope that it can get better. Hope that it will get better. Hope is what keeps me with a smile on my face and skip in my step. I know that I can fight for what's valuable, and that if I am focused energy I can create a beautiful reality.
The role of hope is something I am quite familiar with, as it is one of the core components of the therapeutic process. Instilling hope is a critical intervention, both to keep the client motivated, and to confident that the process can work. I'm sure you've heard the quote: "Whether you think you can, or think you can't--you're right." This is basically the power of expectancy in a nutshell. To support this idea we can turn to the extensive research that has been done on psychotherapeutic outcomes. What is known as "common factors" estimates that the success of therapy breaks down roughly to the following percentages:
40%-- Extratherapeutic Factors (client's context and attributes)
30%--Therapeutic Relationship
15%--Therapeutic Techniques, Structure, Model
15%--Hope, Placebo and/or Expectancy
So beyond the philosophical, the experiential, and the intuitive knowing of hope, I understand how important hope is from a scientific standpoint too. This is not to say I am hopeful just because I know hope is important. I'm also hopeful because I have reason to be hopeful. There is evidence in favor of hope. It is not blind hope, like the way someone might be hopeful to win the lottery. This is tangible hope. It is real. It is deep within my Self and my mind.
In terms of my lost relationship, there is a lot stacked against me. To the unkeen eye, it might look hopeless. And in fact, I feel hopeless at times. But that's a normal part of the process. To feel hopeless does not indicate that it IS hopeless. The reason I have hope is for the following reasons:
1) My heart is now pure. I have been waiting for this clarity and it is so strong. It is a kind of knowing that I know is unwavering.
2) I have an extremely strong base with my love. The deep, solid roots of our Oak tree that have been tattered but are certainly not uprooted.
3) I am a very problem-solving oriented person. When I am determined, inspired and motivated in something I am truly passionate about I am unstoppable. We all are!
4) I am logical and pragmatic, and have a Love who is the same. The way we discuss problems is beautifully calm and rational. It comes from a place of mutual love and respect, and being reasonable individuals.
5) I have the support, validation, and encouragement from many trusted friends and loved ones. Everyone has seen the strength and the love, and know it can happen again if we are both willing.
6) I know that many couples go through immense struggles and reconciliations in the face of betrayal and loss of trust, and it is a very solvable problem. I have even been trained in how to address such things. It has been awhile since I used these techniques but I am going to use this as an opportunity to revisit the literature on this.
7) My therapist has heard my specific story and has validated that rebuilding is definitely possible.
8) It was very recent that my Love was completely willing to be back with me. It's not too late. The door may look closed but it is still cracked open.
9) I am aware of the healing process at hand. I am at a place of taking full responsibility and have a lot of knowledge, creativity and commitment towards facilitating the healing.
10) My Love and I are incredibly aligned in a multitude of ways. We are compatible beyond recognition.
11) We have a wonderful track record. A beautiful history. A mutual understanding that our future could be all that and more.
12) I believe strongly in learning from mistakes, growing from them, and becoming stronger as a result. This can be conquered.
13) Miracles do happen. I do believe I am a lottery winner in Love. I believe I can have the 1 in a million love story. The kind of reality that love stories are based off of.
14) I have a deep belief and understanding of human resilience and recovery. We are both resilient, and our relationship can recover and become stronger.
15) I know for sure this is a one-time mistake. As huge as it is, the devastation will ensure I NEVER repeat anything like it again.
16) The deep romantic love is still there. I can feel it with my whole being.
So from this hope I will focus on self-discovery, self-evolution, and self-creation. I will grow as an individual and as a partner. It will be my greatest failure and my greatest success all wrapped into one. This is the pinnacle of my existence. Nothing more important has been on my path of life. I have a deep desire to survive, thrive and grow in a multitude of ways. I will write to expand on this process, to gain insights, awareness and personal growth. In the midst of despair I will become stronger.
No comments:
Post a Comment